The Men In My Life and An Unexpected Answer

So, over the last few months I've been working my guts out. Besides working and shopping there have been men that come and go and surprisingly enough The Persian Trainer is still around, although we are just friends. There were three men total when the one I really like came around. The Persian Trainer was one, The College Football Player, and The Dood.

The Persian we've spoken about before. He did, or rather I allowed him to break my heart again. I started to adopt the philosophy that I can't make him be what I want but I can enjoy him while he's around. Since I look at him in a different light our friendship got stronger and he's actually the go-to to have insight into a male brain....scary as it might be it helps! I believe, but can't bring it up because we have fights, that he has issues over his ex really leaving him broken. At this point we are actually better friends than we ever have been.

The College Football Player, he's an oldie and mostly gone. We had seen each other on and off for years before and after my marriage. He is the "perfect on paper" guy. He makes big cash, he's manly, hunter, could protect me before during and after a zombie Apocalypse, and strong silent type. I tried to date him again a few months ago. I was genuinely excited but to no avail. I gave him one last shot, he proved he never changed from the problems we had before, I called it quits again. He still sends me text messages and I stand firm on my decision.

The Dood, he's a flaky type guy that is funny, dry, self sufficient, and I really had an interest in. The bad thing about him is he wants the girl to approach him. I am not that girl. He also has big issues from an ex and started to get kinda strange on me. He could fix anything you put in front of him but I cant exactly pin down what his total issue is. I dunno really where he is at this time, might be riding across country on a mountain bike, who knows.

The Beav (me of course) was starting to get down. Work beats me up, dating was looking bleak, life was getting tough, banging my head on my desk was the best option. Enter, The Russian. I've been on a dating website since, I dunno, the stone ages I think. I'm not gonna lie, during my slutty phase the website gets me a lot of play. Unfortunately for the males of the world I'm no longer in a slutty phase, but I digress. I wake up with a notification on my phone saying I got a new message. The message comes from a 22 year old college man. He thinks I'm beautiful, I'm sure it's a prank. So I look over his profile and casually respond. From then on he's actually interested, I'm in shock. A month of talking on the phone and emails we meet in person.

Turns out, The Russian is not just a college student. He's a PhD student...uhhh what. He does research on Alzheimer's Disease and a million other things that have his email and phone going off all the time. I consider myself to be pretty darn smart, both street smarts and book smarts. The things that come out of his mouth I'm like "uhhhhh what".

We are set to meet over lunch, I'm almost at anxiety levels because well I'm a few years older than him and WTF do we have in common. We meet, lunch lasts two hours and conversation is super easy. I leave and call my friend and all the sudden he's beeping in. I'm like "uuuh I'll call you back, The Russian is calling me". So I tentatively answer the phone and he tells me how glad he was to meet me, how he enjoyed lunch, and he wants to see me again tonight. In my head I'm screaming "no way, stfu, he's not serious". Oh he's serious. Long story short, second date in one day goes phenomenal.

So it's been a month since I've seen him, he still calls and we still email and communicate. At this point I'm getting super anxiety. I'm thinking, oh great I got the brush off again. He's not that into me and doesn't want to see me again. Work is giving me major anxiety, we have been looking for a new house since the county is going to buy this one and we have to be out in March 2012, basically life is rough. I cried two mornings in a row over my oatmeal. The second day I looked up at the ceiling pleading with god "please, not again. Please I don't want to get my heart broken again by another man. Please god I need help".

I trudge off to work and I'm typing away on cases when all the sudden my phone goes off with text messages, it's my angel in the form of Gracie. She gets me to spill my guts. I tell her all about the fantastic dates and the fact he's still calling me and giving me justifications of his absence such as publishing a book, traveling, and broken phone. Either he is serious or very creative. The thing I forget about Gracie is that she's the romantic optimist. I'm surrounded by relationship-phobic or relationship battlescarred people that all I hear is negative. Gracie is the romantic optimist. Long story short again she threatens physical harm and makes me step back and say "you're right, wtf am I rushing for". The Russian did say he wanted to take it super slow and I was trying to rush him. He wants to see me again and I totally want to see him too. Think good thoughts for me people!