I love my job....

I do love my job, I love the investigations, I love calling people out when they BS me. I love hanging out with kids and making them laugh. The unit, however, I do not love. My supervisor told me yesterday that I am in fact very good at what I do, she is very happy to have me in her unit, but...big but...I have a bad attitude.

Most people that know me well, not just know me but know me WELL, generally like me. I have a pretty good reputation among my peers in being well loved. I went to see all my old co-workers and the new police station and was told about a zillion times how much they love me and miss me. Let me set the scene...

February 5th, mom had been in Dallas for the week prior because of my grandma's failing health and on this date my beloved grandmother, my namesake and the woman I shared a birthday with my entire life passed away. She had been on hospice and miserable so it was good and sad. Good she is no longer miserable and in pain, sad because she's gone and I can't call her and talk to her like we have my entire life.

February 6th, I call my supervisor and say "hey, those two days off for a death in the family, I need them my grandma died yesterday" supervisor says "ok, when is the funeral" I say "no funeral, my grandma and grandpa never wanted one" supervisor says "well the two days off are for funeral leave, for a funeral" as i'm standing there stunned and heartbroke all over again. I get the next two days off anyways.

February 9th, I get back to my office a little weepy and sad and check my email. A scathing email was sent on the 7th about what a poor job i'm doing. heartbroke and crying all over again.

I continue on with my work because I genuinely love my job, investigations that is.

February 17th, I was taking the next day off to go to Dallas with my mom so that we could pack up my beloved grandma's condo. At approximately 4:30 that afternoon (supposed to get off 5:00 pm mind you) I get 2 new cases and by the way they have to be seen today. Do I react poorly, yes. Do I get up and throw things down the hallway and scream out the door of my office, no. Did I want to, abso-freakin-lutely. I did in fact get upset and fume silently and continue working. The supervisor comes into my office and feels the need to justify why she gave me new cases. I go check them out and am off the next 4 days.

February 22nd, I come back knowing that I have my monthly conference *yay, not* the supervisor tells me in this conference that I have a great rapport with people, she never gets complaints on me, she totally trusts my judgements on cases, I have great common sense, and she's really happy i'm in her unit. However, I have a bad attitude. Really?!? Oh yes, I have a bad attitude and she feels that she has to walk on eggshells around me because she doesn't like the way I reacted when she gave me new cases before I was off for the weekend. Also the secretary for the unit didn't even want to tell me that I was getting new cases because she didn't know how I would react. I tell her I have been under great stress from the loss of my only grandmother and my family fracturing over dividing up her things. She tells me that if I felt that I needed more time off due to the death in the family I should feel free to call her anytime and i'll get all the time off I want. I sit there in shock replaying the conversation in my head that funeral days are for funerals only and I really shouldn't get them because my grandmother elected not thave a funeral.

I love my job, I do not like the manner and volume in which new cases are assigned to me but I do in fact love my job. How have I functioned in life and not been a social pariah. I have best friends that love me deeply and care about me very much. These people feel to me like they have no interest in knowing one single thing about me and have no plans to know me. I just want to yell "meh" and "bah" at all of them and offer them no help ever.

There is one new girl in the unit that does take an interest in talking to me and is nice. She reminds me of me but crazier. I have hope for her but the rest I say, meh.

wow....

I've been gone for a while...oops. Hi! Ummm so I'm a full fledged Investigator with a caseload that's growing every day. I love Investigations and don't want to go anywhere else. I have my first removal this coming week and appeared in court last week for the first time. I got this super cute faux black and white leopard print wrap dress and wore it to Juvie court, I'm standing there praying to god the judge keeps this girl one more week so I'll have ample time to find somewhere suitable for her to go so she doesn't immediately run away and I'm sweating bullets. They kept her, I'll get her this week and maybe she won't be aggressive towards me. Of course I'll ask her if she enjoyed being in Juvie and if she says no then I'll advise her that if she runs away or attacks me I'll make sure she goes back and stays for longer than 3 weeks.

No news on the guy front, they come and go. The Persian Trainer is still around tho, he's fun. I did have a tragedy yesterday in my car. My car that I love, my beautiful muscle car, I backed into the end post of a chain link fence and it has a dent and scratch to the back drivers side corner. My fault, I was talking to my supervisor on the phone about my upcoming removal from a mom that has 38 or 39 arrests, she can't recall. Totally distracted. Meh.

I am quite excited because I'm paying all my bills and still have extra cash. I have been struggling and depriving myself for years and now I have money after paying bills. YAY! I don't feel as stressed as I used to *well sometimes I do but I think that's because I get an Venti Iced red eye (coffee with an extra shot of espresso) with sweet and low and that's a crapton of caffeine* so yeah. My unit lost 2 investigators, they just up and quit so we are down to 4 of us. They are still totally bitchy and I have friends in 3 other units and every one of them asked me to come to their unit. We'll see how it works out. I really want to go back to the town I worked at the PD and be in the rural area.

Oh yeah, The Gay Husband is back, we've been talking every two weeks or so. Gracie can attest to this but I'm a little stubborn. OK, a lot stubborn. He called me about 2 weeks ago asking how work was going and we were chit chatting. We talked for about an hour and before he hung up he said he loves me. Same thing last night, slow and steady but I'm glad to have him back. He was telling stories to his friends about me when we worked on the ambulance. There's one about a girl pulling a knife on him and I get to destination and swing open the back doors and he had her trussed up like a thanksgiving turkey. Then the bendy straw incident where I was driving 80 mph with lights and sirens responding to an emergency complaining that I had to bend my head to get a drink and why didn't every restaurant have bendy straws. *He loves that one*, or him having to sedate a patient further because I was in rush hour traffic in a literal downpour trying to get across Dallas with a burn victim cussing because traffic was bad and I was in a rush and we were driving in the beginning stages of what turned out to be a flood.

Why do I always have jobs where I come out with the craziest war stories ever told.

What a week...

So Friday October 1st I officially graduated from training. The graduation ceremony is supposed to be a thing where your unit shows up and yells for you and now you're a caseworker. Two people out of the 9 in my unit showed. My supervisor was at court, my mentor is still on maternity leave, the girl in the office next door left on vacation, and I dunno where the rest were. The mentor i'll excuse. She's the only one out of the whole bunch that was always nice to me and included me, plus she pushed a human being out of her body only a month ago.

My peer trainer showed up that I really connected with and when she asked where my whole unit was she looked sad that no one bothered to come. I got a super huge lecture from my supervisor because she says she's gotten several complaints about me that i'm not willing to help out and me saying "I sure wish I had my own caseload to work on" translated into "WTF I don't wanna do your work!" instead of "i'm excited to finally be a fully functioning member of the unit and ready to do what I was hired for". Working in an office full of chicks is the pits!

So my supervisor was telling me that I need to build positive relationships with these people and go out of my way to do things for them. How I worked for almost 10 years in ambulances and offices roughly the size of a large closet with people that i'd rather strangle that be locked in a confined space with and still able to successfully get the job done is beyond me. From the way it sounded in my brain, I need to suck up to these people to get them to help me instead of people just helping one another because of the bigger picture, because it's not about them!

FYI people, I don't suck up. Like me or don't it's up to you, because if you don't like me you are totally missing out on a ton of awesomeness.

Man...

I haven't been on the computer in a week! This weekend it seems that everyone wants to hang out with me...it's because they realize how truly awesome I am. So last night was low key, me, mom, and two girls from work drank a few beers, played some cards, and ate pizza. Totally fun. Tonight I think we are going to a club, I haven't been out to a club in years. Tomorrow might be a movie or a date I dunno. Monday may be something else...crazy! So I got my second case all closed and going back for my last week of class this coming week. I'm fitting in better with my unit and graduate training on October 1st. When it's not raining we go to the hill of death park with the dogs and the Reebok runtone shoes and sweat! I really need to go back to the gym, really really really. I have been too chicken to go to this Tuesday night yoga class but I need to go! OK so that's all I really have to say, nothing deep, heartfelt, just me being tired and washing clothes :)

New Shoes!!!

Oh yeah I forgot! I got new shoes! I'm not really a trendy girl, I think it was all the commercials with butts in them that urged me to buy them, I want my butt to look like the cute butts!

The Nike Shox did me well for a year now, and they are still good, but it was time.

The Reebok Runtone, specifically for walking and running...OK I know I can't get a super hot butt and legs without actually doing the work, but. The first day I had them I wore them at the hill of death park mom and I walk at with her dogs. They are super comfy and walking up the hill of death I could feel it more in the backs of my legs and butt. Maybe it's psychological, I dunno BUT I'm still a little sore in the back of my legs, butt, and abs. I love them.

I also did a Zumba class which I am going to on Thursdays with two friends from work. I have absolutely no coordination. Dancing is not a skill I posses, but Zumba was fun and I sweated my ass off. Tomorrow I go again. I feel better being active again.

I'm Totally Over All This Rain...

So yeah, this hurricane needs to move on. I realize it has, but the aftereffects and tropical weather it left behind can go ahead and split! This row of houses I live on floods way too easily to get almost 8 inches of rain in such a short amount of time, like 2 days I think. For the last 2 nights we have been awake and watching the street to see how fast the water rises. Last night had the gates not been opened by us and the neighbors, we would have flooded again around 2 AM. DONE!!! I want a full night of sleep, like tonight would be good. All the wind yesterday took out a big portion of the back fence, some large dead limb from the overgrown creek property behind us crushed the poor fence. Poor fence!

My new peer trainer called my office this morning, seriously no bullshit. I tend to exaggerate things but when I say this I'm SERIOUS...I could hear the excessive saliva. Over. The. Phone. I'm sure she is a great investigator, for crying out loud she's 3 levels above me, I'm sure she has wonderful qualities, but I have quirks. I don't get along well with people that butt in constantly or talk at ear shattering levels. Certainly, after all my time on the ambulance I am NOT a fan of bodily fluids.

Oh yeah, and this week was supposed to be my second case. It's the end of Wednesday and still, no CASE! There has not been one to assign to me, or a friend of mine too so I don't feel completely picked on. I am on a time limit people. I need to have my second case done (ideally) by next Friday and my portfolio of all my work completed ready to turn in the following Monday. I'm feeling a little stress waiting on other people. I don't like waiting on other people. Control freak? OK, maybe a little...

Wow...sorry :(

It's been a minute since I've posted anything, but truthfully nothing is happening (which is good, don't get me wrong). I was in class all week, Tuesday was physical abuse day. Watching a nanny cam of some creep using an 18 month old kid as a punching bag can kinda make your week start with a thud! The good news about that video is the child survived with only a few bruises and the creep got 10 years in jail (only served 5 years but people convicted of crimes against children do not fare well in prison). Wednesday was neglect day, Thursday was sexual abuse day...whew, glad that's over! I'm finally feeling better after whatever that virus is, as soon as I get over the coughing I'll be awesome! Friday I did get some cruddy news, the peer trainer I was with for my last case got reassigned. My new peer trainer is rumored to be older, 10 minutes from retirement, and spits when she talks. If you know me at all you're aware of my issues with bodily fluids. I'm pretty sure working with this woman will force me into caseworker independence.

I am struggling with a decision though. There is an investigator position opening up in the town I used to work in about the same distance from me. My friend I'm in class with is also an investigator in that town and that position is actually what I applied for first. I know the ins and outs of working with the police and sheriff's office and know the town. I'm thinking it sounds like a better deal to me than the way I've been feeling with my unit lately. My supervisor is nice but you're under the nose of the program director who has been stalking my unit lately. The other people in my unit are so close knit and I'm so unwilling to bend over backwards to fit in. The admin tech is always complaining about how she does too much work but she's always up smoking and gossiping. It's way too much drama for me, my drama tolerance is almost none. Plus, being in the rural area I'd get a good mix of all types of investigation. I don't want to hurt people's feelings, but I don't want to feel like an outsider. Not to mention the fact that working with small town cops where I know all the constables and judges already would be easier than working with SAPD...decisions decisions.

In the mean time, how do I tell my trainer to back away 5 feet before speaking to me? I think I need a raincoat.