So it is official, I finished my last day at the PD and lined up my last check. All that is left to be done is turn in my uniform shirts and my time there is finished. It's kinda sad because those people were like family, the drunk sisters, the critical mother, the micro-managing father. Dysfunctional family, yes but family none the less. It seems that when word got out that I was leaving it spread like wildfire! This week alone I've been told how valuable I was and how much I'll be missed by people that usually don't acknowledge me, why couldn't they tell me this while I was still there? When I was on the ambulance and my dispatcher was running me to death if they just told me "Thank You so much for your help, I understand I've been working you hard and you're here late but thank you so much!" that would revive me for another run, so when I became a dispatcher I did that for my officers. I will admit that I try to let people know I appreciate them. Also I almost cried today. The manager of dispatch, also known as The Petty Little Napoleon Syndrome Riddled Man in a former post, told me he was proud of me today. It's not that I never hear that from anyone, I do. My closest wonderful friends and my mother tell me all the time, but to hear it coming from someone that in my dysfunctional work family was the father type figure brought up emotions about my own lack of a father and how he doesn't even know I have a new career or the nature of it.
Another thing that always shocks me is that people think of me as brave. I don't necessarily feel brave, to me it feels like I go charging off into some half thought out scheme with nothing going on in my head. In the last few years I've almost completely recovered financially from my decision to divorce my husband, lost weight, stopped smoking, graduated college, and some other things I'm sure that seem trivial to me but inspire other people. I have tattoos and have had piercings in unmentionable places and have even inspired others to do those things. I don't think I'm brave, I think I'm actually kinda dumb. Awesome, but dumb. It seems that even my quitting and going to a new job inspired a few people to not be complacent and comfortable in a place where you are unhappy. Is it bravery or is it a different set of priorities? I would actually tell you that my life is completely self centered, and I'm very happy with it that way.
What an emotionally draining day,
A. B.
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