I knew it...

So I've hit the wall, I'm frustrated. For training they give me this big binder full of assignments and 3 supervisors and tell me they will explain later. So, when is later? Will it be the day the assignments are due? Make me sit in a classroom for 2 straight weeks and the trainer reads out of a book, no thought to what he's saying. The OJT (on the job training) Supervisor I'm supposed to take all my concerns to about the training has been out for the last week and a half. Where do I go now?!? You want me to document all this stuff, but don't tell me what to put in the documentation. You want me to use this computer program over the next two weeks to do assignments, but cancel the first everything I need to know about the computer program training class and the next one is two weeks away, right before all the assignments are due. Also if I don't pass this training with 70%, what happens then? Do I get shitcanned? By that time my old job will be filled and I'll be unemployed!!! I'm freaking out bad, I'm down to my last $300 in my checking account and it's 2 weeks to payday. I'm already a paycheck short this month, what now??? fuck.

Beav

Reflections and finally...happiness

So last night I was in the shower shampooing my hair, shaving my legs, and all the other girl things we do and started sneezing! I sneezed approximately 196 times (give or take a few). Tonight I was able to shower, without sneezing, and had time to reflect.

Two years ago I was a mess...I wouldn't have been friends with myself, but somehow Gracie became a very good close friend to me. Even though I was angry about my divorce and situation in life, we still became close friends. She was even stubborn enough to talk to me first after our falling out. The Nurse, a close friend since high school, was going through the same things I was about the same time (divorce, moving in with her mother) and somehow we are friends again. The Gay Husband, can't say enough about him because he's always been there for me, no matter what. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by stubborn, wonderful, kick my ass when I need it friends. They are flat out awesome!

Still, I was angry. I was stuck with the beetle that was breaking down on the highway and dumping gas everywhere quite frankly the damn thing was a fire hazard, totally broke, and in a job that made me want to scream. I took the leap, not thinking that I would get hired but I spoke positively about my 20:3 odds saying "They haven't called me back yet, I'm just waiting for them to tell me when to start" and finally, they did! So today, I am in my first big girl job post graduation finally making the money that will allow me to not have to live paycheck to paycheck, surrounded by people that are loving and caring, and so supported and encouraged in the training process it's almost like a dream! Yeah, I admit I bitch and complain about the small stuff, but in retrospect I'm pretty freaking happy! It's almost surreal how much calmer I feel about life. I'm in no rush to date or pair off, no rush to get to work anymore, life is good!

I surely can't guarantee I'll always feel this way about being an Investigator, I have no doubt I'll see gnarly stuff and some days not be so excited about work. For today though I'm going to be happy.

The Beav

The kitties...

I figure it's time to introduce the world to my kitties...enough with the serious posts, it's time for some giggles!

Fatty...

This is fatty, he goes by fatty-fatso, fattyboom, fattyboomaladie and pretty much even if you whisper his name he can hear it and comes running. He is an attention whore and I love him for that. He doesn't ask to be petted, he demands it! He was the first kitty I found and I've had him about 7 years now. He is the feline blanket and staggering in size, he's about 18 pounds and anyone that sees him always comments on how HUGE he is! He is a pretty impressive size. I changed his name in the last few years to Fadi, I thought it sounded more mature since he is getting older :)

Patch...

My sweet girl...she goes by Pitchy Patch, Whitchy Pitch, Patchy Pie. She comes in at around 19-20 pounds. She's large and lovely and chatty about 90% of the time. She's big mama to the 2 boys and if they mess with her too much she puts her paw down and makes them cut it out! I got her 2nd, she was at the animal shelter in Dallas, she is roughly the same age as Fatty and was brought home to be his companion because he is a HORRIBLE only cat! I'm really curious about what happened to her as a kitten because she has this shortened tail that has a crook at the end, I think it's just cute and gives her character! She purrs so loud that I can hear it through the mattress when I'm going to sleep.

Last but certainly not least...Thor (que the ominous music)

This is the evil little ninja himself. He goes by Thorabora, Thor Bor, Sacred Kitty, Bora Bora, Owww stop that, quit stalking me, and sweet angel boy. I could write about him for weeks and I know he is a personal favorite of Gracie! He is Birman, not Burmese, not Siamese. He was found in a sonic parking lot during a thunderstorm while the ex and I were taking a break from a visit to the emergency vet on a Sunday with a very unfortunately short lived dog. We were sitting there discussing the prognosis of the poor pup when I heard this horrible screaming, the car next to us backed up and there he was...a soaking wet little clump of fur. I bent down and called using the standard kitty kitty call and he ran to me and jumped in my arms. Within about the first 30 minutes of knowing him he had already scratched and bit me. If you google birman cats there is a pretty cool legend about them which is the way he got the sacred kitty name. He is soft and beautiful and people just instinctively want to pet him but he bites. Everyone gets the standard warning but few listen! I have yet to find a veterinarian that can handle him without blood loss! The difference between him and the other two is that he is mine, he tolerates everyone else but he is definitely my cat. Oh yeah, and he likes water...the first night I brought him home I was standing in the shower washing my hair with my eyes closed. I look down and there he was sitting in the tub watching me, at first I was kinda creeped out but now I'm used to it. Patch would climb all 19 pounds of her body up one of my arms to get out of the bathtub with running water, not Thor.

So there ya go, a quick intro to my babies.

The Beav

Asking for too much from men...

Is it really asking too much of a man that says he wants to spend time with me, to get to know me that he should take me out on a date? A little food, some conversation, and maybe a goodnight kiss instead of just jumping straight into bed? I will admit, I've had several very short lived "relationships" and even the relationship with the Persian Trainer is pretty much centered around sex, the difference with him is that he makes no bones about it and he offers to take me out to eat and I get conversation. The whole experience isn't completely empty.

There is a guy that has come around several times, not sure if he'll be named or not in this blog yet, and he is using the nice guy cover to make me a booty call. I am educated, I am perceptive, I know what he is after. People do not get together to talk and hang out late at night. If he would have said, "Meet me for coffee" totally different ballgame. He says, I wish we had a place to be alone (because neither of us live alone) and he always wants to meet late at night or early in the mornings. I'm not dumb, I know what he wants. There is no offer for a date of any sort and he always wants to be alone, but yet he always says he wants to talk and hang out with the sexual overtones. I am worth more than just sex! I was not as empowered in the past as I am now and I didn't always make guys work for it, sorry guys that train has left the station and it's time to put some effort into getting me in bed. No longer will I let myself feel cheap and used just to get some affection from the male species, I am the gate keeper, you can not enter without my permission.

That poor guy, he could really have some potential and if he doesn't straighten up he will miss out on the best part...me.

The Beaverhausen

I wanna go back to my UNIT!!!

I have BSD (Basic Skills Development) class all this week and next week...I'm BORED! There's like 20ish other people in the class, most straight out of college and ready to jump in and help people. That's all well and good, but I learned way back when I was an EMT that you have to have some distance and separation between you and the client/patient/whatever. I'm awesome at that, in fact my OJT (On the Job Training) supervisor has already told me she can tell I'm an investigator all the way. These people in my class are talking about part of the caseworker role is educator, agreed but they were going into "we should teach them parenting skills and job skills and money management skills..." really...really, I mean....no really. Granted there are certain things that I should be able to teach the clients I come into contact with and share my knowledge. I'm all down with that, but hello...I can barely manage my money, let alone tell someone that is possibly unemployed and around the poverty line how to manage their money! Parenting skills, I don't got em but cat wrangling skills are a totally different story!

I also wanna know why...WHY my classmates can ask a zillion "what if" questions and squabble about every answer but I question the instructor once this morning and he accuses me of quibbling with him. Audibly, in front of the class names me and says "hang on, AB wants to quibble about one word", hey whatever dude a Lawyer would gladly rip that word apart and shove the pieces up your behind! I ALWAYS get labeled the girl that disagrees or argues just because I stand up for what I think is right. Meh, whatever I kinda enjoy it! I still wanna go back to my office, my mentor, and my UNIT!!!

Oh yeah, and yesterday before class we were all standing outside waiting for the building to be opened so we could start the day, I tried to strike up a conversation with this older heavy woman that is also going to be an investigator out of another office. Simple things like, so what office are you going to work out of and are you excited? She totally blew me off, like TOTALLY!!! This is the same woman that pipes up about EVERYTHING the trainer says, she always has a story *gag*. Gracie can tell you I'm a chatty person, that is how we met in the dispatching class, we just started chatting!!! Just wait old woman...the investigators will be by themselves when we go into the specialty track of the BSD training, you won't have all your little Family Based people or Conservatorship people to chat with...it'll be me, you, and 3 others that you don't talk to! I have a firm belief that people of like jobs should stick together. Not saying that we should completely ignore all other units and sections of caseworkers but, if I have a question I'll more than likely ask my fellow investigator. If I have a question about something family based or conservatorship I'll ask them. Still, I wanna go back to my office, my mentor, and MY UNIT!!!

Ugh,

The Beav

p.s. I'm still awesome by the way!

Thirty ffff......

Really, was that necessary? There is this guy in my class that I want to kick until he's dead! We are arranged into groups by the way the tables are set up and the instructor says that in our groups we are going to discuss blah blah whatever. So the youngest person in the group was going to be the leader. So this guy I want to kick asks the girl next to me her age, she says 30, he cringes and makes this little noise. REALLY? So he looks at me and I immediately say "nooo way, not after that look you just gave her!?!" so he skips me gets everyone else and then comes back to me and says "thirty fff..." I'm sure my eyebrow shot straight up to my hairline indicating that if he continues on with that I'll be forced to strangle him...really jerk-o was that necessary!

Long time no blog...

So yeah, I haven't been posting like I was before I started the new career but I'm here today. On Thursday and Friday I got to go out with my mentor on some cases and got to sit in on interviewing parents and kids. Already in the 4 days I was with my unit (still love them btw) and I've heard some pretty hard stuff to digest, luckily for me I did not come into this position naive. I'm still pretty stoked about this and ready to get out and start investigating. They are smart though, they don't want me to rush, I have 12 weeks worth of a combination of class time and on the job training ahead of me *sigh*. Sooo...for the next 2 weeks I'll be sitting in a classroom being lectured about theories and what I should do, just as classroom lectures go I already know from my EMS time that the book is not always correct, I'll learn my own way of doing things in time.

So I dunno what happened with Mr. DHAFG but I have not talked to him in over a week now. Oh well, I've always got the Persian Trainer, he's an oldie but a goodie. He was born here but his parents are from Iran, they went back there and he lived in Iran until they moved back to the US when he was 8 years old. The differences are interesting and we always have good discussions, and there are tons of times I've made jokes about him being a terrorist and he actually said back once that I was going to be watched by the government for associating with a terrorist, so funny. The thing I already know about him is that he's just there for a good time and if I injure myself. When I hurt my ankle a while back I told him a week after it happened and he looked at it, evaluated me and actually yelled at me for not calling him immediately! *Confused* I already know he's there for the good time only and conversation, there's no deep relationship sooooo why would I call him immediately? I still don't have the answer to that question but he's been texting and calling as of late and I enjoy his company so it's a win win situation. A little background on him is we talk and then go our separate ways and the time before when we were talking (before we...ya know) we were having the discussion about oral sex. I love it, he loves it...I'll do it if he does it. He made the remark of "Oh I only do that on girls if I'm in a relationship" hmmmm...so I said "that's OK you don't want to do it, I won't do it" he said "that's fine, we can still have sex but I'll find someone else to do that part" *stunned* so needless to say I stopped talking to him for a while until he approaches me again and asked why I hadn't talked to him. So I'm like, uhhh because that was a jerky thing to say...he laughs and says he was making a joke and I warily go back to talking to him again. So I go in protected, knowing there is a possibility he's sleeping with another girl not getting attached to him. He told me yesterday that the last time he had sex was with me, over a month ago *stunned again* apparently I'm the only one he's sleeping with. Men are confusing...luckily I irritate him just as much as he irritates me. He's spoiled, like SPOILED ROTTEN and he gets irritated because I don't cater to his every whim, he actually told me once he wasn't used to being told no lol, but I also think he likes the independence. Oh well, he's fun, tall, exotic, beautiful body (he's a personal trainer hehe) and a little bit of an accent that I like.

Until next time,

The Beav